REVIEWS: Horror & SyFy — September 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

REVIEW: Fast Zombies with Guns (2009)

Every horror movie fan knows that today it is really hard to re-invent the wheel, especially if we’re talking zombie movies. The best way would probably be – using old element, yet presenting it under a different angle. “Fast Zombies with Guns” tries to go that path… and stumbles somewhere along the way.

A crime boss Paul Varlo has to silence an informer that has agreed to sell him out to the police. Seemingly an easy task to accomplish at first, it all goes wrong when Varlo decides to poison the informer. Miraculously, poisoning the water supply causes people drinking it, to drop dead, and rise again, this time as zombies.

The worst thing however is that the zombies somehow know how to handle weapons, and tend to use them on people. So it is just like the title promises – zombies here are fast, and they have guns. And no one really cares how they became like that in the first place…

After getting the story out of the way, we are switched into the standard “survival” mood, where a bunch of surviving humans barricade themselves inside a house, and try to stay alive, while the number of zombies behind the window just keeps growing.

The story here is mostly a lame excuse to “get the action going”, meaning to show how a bunch of humans desperately trying to protect themselves from bloodthirsty, trigger happy zombies.

For some people – even a very bad zombie movie can be “good”, if it has good SFX, and make-up, as in case with “Bone Sickness” for example. “Fast Zombies with Guns” lack that a lot, as these zombies look worse than Romero’s grey-faced zombies from the classic “Dawn of the Dead”.

Needless to say the “zombies” here are not even zombies, judging by their behavior. They look simply like some angry armed folks with stoned, painted faces who run around and kill without any reason.

The acting is worse than you can imagine, and as amateurish as it can be. While it is not a big deal in such a low-budget film, the directing is something that really ruins the film – it is that bad. Unnecessary close-ups and shakes make it really painful to follow the action, let alone the story. Adding some light wouldn’t hurt either.

There are zombie movies that perfectly fit into the so-called “so bad, its good” category. “Fast Zombies with Guns” sadly do not fit anywhere near.

Having a micro budget of $7,000 (as stated by IMDB) is not enough of an excuse to have a lousy zombie movie.

Of course, a lot of time has passed since 1992, when Robert Rodriquez shocked everyone by making “El Mariachi” for the same amount of money. Even including additional expenses, he still managed to pull it off for an impressive result.

“Fast Zombies with Guns” clearly isn’t as lucky as “El Mariachi”. It barely qualifies as a zombie movie by itself. The point here is: Never put all your eggs in one basket (meaning don’t mix running zombies with armed zombies with bad zombie make-up), the result can be quite awful.

Despite having an attractive title that sparks imagination, the film itself is poorly made in pretty much every aspect, and therefore is not to be bothered with, even by die-hard zombie horror fans.



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